RUINED
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Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself and thought, “Is that what I really look like?” Maybe in a good way but usually not. Usually it is when you get out of the car and see your reflection in the tinted window of the SUV you parked next to. Or sitting outside Starbucks on a nice day and you glance over and there you are – your reflection in the window. Maybe you see a recent picture of yourself but it is from a different angle that you would normally see, uh, YOU.
You see yourself as others see you. It just catches you off guard. The way I look in my mind does not match the reality of what I really look like. When did I get older? Is my hair thinner? Why do my clothes look so small? It can be quite the humbling experience.
It can really ruin your day. For some, it may ruin their week.
The same happens when we catch a spiritual reflection of ourselves in the mirror of God. There are these moments in my life that I will have a God experience that leaves knowing I am not where I should be or want to be in my relationship with God. All of the sudden there is this realization that I don’t have God figured out, I am not living the perfect life, and I’m not as mature as I had hoped I was. When we catch real glimpses of God it is quite humbling. We see more of who He is and more of who we are not. These glimpses of God can shatter our false images of who we are and it can RUIN you.
The difference between emotional ruining that can take place because we don’t physically match what we think we look like and the spiritual ruining that takes place because we see more of God is that the spiritually ruining is always a growth process. When I see this physical reflection of the real me, I tend to avoid seeing that again. I usually walk away, forget what I saw, and don’t do anything about it. When the spiritual ruining takes place, when God ruins our lives it propels us to move toward Him. It draws us to seek Him more. It gives opportunity for healing to take place. It makes room for us to live our lives in a new way – in a reckless abandonment. Isaiah experienced this in chapter 6. After he cries out, “Woe, for I am ruined!” He is forgiven of his sin and he answers God’s calling. Not only does he answer God’s calling, he goes to a place for God knowing that people will not respond to the message. He follows God in the way I want to follow – he follows understanding it’s not about him and its completely about GOD! Why can’t I do that? Because I am scared to be ruined. It hurts to go through that. It is uncomfortable. It means I won’t be in control. I like control.
So, we have to decide. Will we continue to live in our fantasy world thinking we look great when reality is everything is not that great? OR Will we look in the mirror of God, see the true reflection, and allow Him to ruin us to allow us to live the life we were created for?
Oh, and here’s the beautiful thing, when God ruins our lives we begin to see ourselves as He sees us – beautiful. Because we also see ourselves in a negative way in our minds at times also. If we are willing to allow God to humble us by ruining the false positive images we have of ourselves, we have to allow Him to ruin the false negative images we have of ourselves as well. He sees us as a beautiful creation.
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
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